The Stamp of Disapproval

"The Stamp of Approval", when given, usually gives the receiver the conotation of success and a general feeling that perhaps could maybe even be described as... pride.  It is desirable to receive this kind of "stamp" whether you are actively seeking it out or not.  At a job I might be seeking approval from my boss and co-workers as I prove to be of value to them and I certainly want the love, support and "approval" of my spouse but mostly I am my own person and I rarely seek for that "stamp of approval" from anybody.  I know if I'm giving it my all or if my choice was made in prayer.

The "Stamp of Disapproval" then you might guess is probably the opposite and is even perhaps  different in the way that the "receiver" is probably NEVER seeking it out.  Ever!  It just isn't something that we seek after because it is certainly not felt or seen as "desirable" in any way.

We grow up being told not to "judge" others but to "use judgement" and I believe there is a difference.  We are all unique and so we should try not to "judge" others choices... we don't even know their situations; what their priorities are or what makes them tick or how tired they might be or what their upbringing was like or what opportunities they had.  Each person has a unique set of circumstances challenging them in different ways every single day that we all grow from.  Living in a society full of individuals we all affect each other in both positive and negative ways too.  One of the ways I am affected by others is with how health care is being handled and paid for today, the housing market affects me, and even the little things like why the teacher couldn't arrive to her class on time today has its affect.  Certainly when I have acted upon an impression to make and bring somebody a meal, without being asked by anyone and especially when this person was certainly able bodied enough to make their family dinner themself I did not question the "why" or try to judge what the situation might be. I just did it.  With cheer!!!  I was making somebody's day a little brighter than it might have been.  "Why" wasn't important at all and I may never know why anyway.  Using "judgement" on the other hand involves using common sense; while respecting all people and their rights you don't start hanging out with the crowd that likes to party on the weekends or become permissive by flippantly saying "well, it doesn't hurt anyone." 

The "Stamp of Disapproval" hurts.  Why go out of our way to pull the block out from the middle of somebody elses fragile block tower they've so carefully built up, so to speak?   Life is hard enough for all of us, isn't it?    I like to think that somebody elses unsolicited disapproval really stems from their own jealousy, insecurities and lack of thought or understanding.  They try to build themselves up by knocking down anybody around them they feel they can.  Are we not able to "catch" ourselves disapproving and judging others before we hurt them realizing in time that we must have some of our own jealousies and insecurities at work?  Or do we place ourselves on such a pedestal that we actually believe we are better than others?  We need to realize that we are not all the same and that "it takes all kinds" to make the world go 'round.  Would not the world be a much nicer place if we just helped out and assisted others where we could without needing to know so much of the where and why of it all?  Instead of saying or thinking "They did this to themselves and they're lazy" we could try to understand the underlying causes or outside factors to their predicament if we want to think about it at all.  And sometimes a predicament to one is not hardship on another.  "She has to do that" could be looked at in this way... "She GETS to do that".  I'm talking attitudes.

To the women who snicker at my "line of ducklings" and question "are these all of your children, aren't you missing a few" or "are these your youngest ones now with nobody in your arms anymore... at least for now" I would tell you that I love each one of my children.  I'm glad that they're here and that they are part of my family.  My children are happy, talented, clean, well cared for, smart, dressed appropriately and well fed without the solicited assistance from others.  To anyone who wants to question my small house or my old car I would tell you again that I am living responsibly and within my means.  That's called being smart.  My choices are prayerful ones made with consideration to my priorities in life.  And we are blessed.  My husband enjoys his job... how many people can say that?  And it has supplied our family with a steady and dependable income that we can budget... a huge blessing!  I'm smart enough to know that.  It is not enough to live lavishly and leaves no room for extravagance of any worldly sort.  But I never expected that.  I am grateful that my parents have never once called on the phone and told my husband that he needs to be a better provider for their daughter or for his family or said he should get a "real" job.  They've never insinuated that I should set my children aside (or not had so many) and go get a job or use my college degree so I could have "more" than is being provided.  Any help they have ever given us was freely and genuinely offered without petition and with no strings attached; love was felt with a lesson by example for me to learn in kindness and compassion.  And Rick and I have been left to figure out the life we want for our family.  My home is not empty and my heart is full.  We have enough.  Huge blessings!  We are blessed with five children and we feel lucky for that.  Each child was wanted and I would rather face any of the difficulties I've had then be looking at fertility issues with an empty heart and home. 

So why is it important to look at someone in the face when help was unsolicited in the first place and say "I'm not going to help you because I disagree and disapprove of your choices and your situation"??? 

President Thomas S. Monson said this past Sunday as the last speaker in the morning session of General Conference that we live in a unique time blessed with much but with so much negative.  He said that we can find greater happiness if we change our focus to what we have, the ordinary, instead of focusing on blessings that we don't have.  He didn't tell me here that I will only be happy if I go to Disney World or have 25 pairs of shoes.  He said I can be happy with what I HAVE.

And he didn't tell us to judge others on what they have or don't have, either.

So why measure up others with what they don't have.  More importantly why measure ourselves by the standards of others or with what we don't have.  Be the best you can be as you help others on their way too.  Embrace the unique-ness that is you!  Just stand up and be your own kind of beautiful.