Elusive Homebuyer

Dear Elusive Homebuyer,

I was hoping to meet you or at least know your name by the 30th of April since I figured you might be interested in Obama’s $8,000 tax credit.  That’s a lot of money, but it appears to me that this will not happen.  My previous experience, in this economy, tells me that you will continue to remain at large.  Sorry this letter is so lengthy but I was wondering a few things.

Could you have been the person who got locked in my backyard with your Realtor when you could not shut the front door for whatever reason and decided to go out the back door, locking it, only to discover that the fence has a padlocked gate and you were locked in… STUCK?  That could have scared you away and perhaps you were intimidated by having to use my deck furniture to leap over the fence to make an escape.  I promise I wasn’t trying to trap you until we made a deal.  I really would have wondered about the state of things without the phone call I received from my Agent, and I admit I chuckled.  It’s just that no one has ever been unable to close my front door before and the padlock on the gate is there to keep my children corralled… especially the one who takes the nuts and bolts apart on this professionally installed chain link fence to make his escape.  The combination lock was the only thing he couldn’t figure out as a younger boy.  I like that it keeps bold trespassers out of my yard as well, or at least discourages them.  And by the way, there is another gate on the side that isn’t locked that takes you into my neighbors unlocked yard.  But you probably don’t really want to hear that now.

Could you have been one of the many people who came through my home and stated that its 1,200 square feet is too small for you as a single person?  You realize that my 1,200 square feet is the same as any other 1,200 square feet, right, and that its dimensions are found on MLS?  Shouldn’t you instead think that this house is absolutely amazing to fit 7 people with room to sleep 8 (as long as one bed is crib sized) and that I would be taking all of the beds with me when I move?  My husband and I moved in here alone… just the 2 of us… and this place was as big as a castle for us.  Did you realize that if you are moving in here, even with one or two children, that you could make the downstairs bedroom into a dining room again?  After all, that’s what it is.  Actually it was the only bedroom in the house, once upon a time when people lived much more simply, until the upstairs was finished back in 1942.  Imagine the possibilities!  And by the way, I don’t mean to pry but I was wondering what you have purchased in the way of furniture BEFORE you bought your first home to make mine too small for you.  Telling me, as the single person that all of the lookers have been, that my house is too small for you is like me marching into a home with 8,400 square feet and declaring that it is too small for my family… and did I mention I’m on a budget?  I need more than that for under $175,000.  I don’t mean to be rude, but lets be real.

Were you almost the right person, but in the end turned off by my “crowded” home, who was brazen enough to tell my Agent as much, but that you were probably “singing to the choir”?  You know that I have all the extra “stuff” in an expensive storage facility, for your viewing benefit, and the only things left upstairs are the beds, dressers, a case of books and a case of toys.  My children do live here even though there are absolutely no photographs of them anywhere that you can see, no artwork either, and it’s about killing me.  Thank you for pointing out the obvious, though, which is only part of the reason for wanting to move.  Again, I was planning on taking my “stuff” with me.

Could you have loved the house… except you saw that I did not hang matching towels in the bathroom?  I heard on the news this morning that matching towels are VERY important for success in home sales.  Actually I was taking all of my towels with me, old, new, matching or not; they’re not really a part of the house.  Personally I like having different towels; it’s more interesting.  That way I can tell if I’m using my own towel and I can tell which child of mine left their towel on the bedroom floor or stuffed under a pillow on the couch.  They are clean, regardless.

Could you have been the person who thought my basement was too cluttered?  Well, I’m taking that with me too, except for the shelving if you’d prefer to keep it.  I did mention it is a damp basement, so shelving is pretty handy down there.  Oh!  Did I scare you???  Most basements in Cincinnati are a bit swampy so if someone tells you otherwise, they probably aren’t being honest.  And all those boxes down there, filled and otherwise;  well, you know I did expect to go somewhere with them.  It should be a good sign to you that I wasn’t leaving you a big mess to clean up down there.

Would you have been the right person without the surprise that the house didn’t feature a fireplace?  You know the listings are all on the internet these days and it states right there that there is no fireplace in this home.  All I can do is shrug on that one.

Were you the one who was disappointed that the windows were not new?  They are now… a whole houseful of them and for a lower price!  The roof is recent and the central air, which I always thought was for rich people only until I moved here from the north, is 10 months old… newer than my baby who has not yet celebrated his first birthday.  The basement has glass block, the hardwood floors (save one upstairs bedroom) are refinished and beautiful, the living room, formerly the “wrong color” is freshly painted in a neutral tone, and the electrical all pass inspection now too.  The house isn’t “perfect” of course because no house is.  The house that looks perfect has something the owner is hiding, you better believe.  Home ownership means there is always always always a  “to-do” list.  But it’s YOURS!

Or would you have been the one, working last minute, wanting to see my house in 19 minutes in the middle of the dinner hour?  I said no to that.  If you’d have seen the book bags that I wouldn’t have had time to clean up and the pile of dishes and the vegetables in various stages of cutting on the counter and the myriad of Cheerios tossed around that my 10 month old was nibbling on while waiting for dinner and the mountains of laundry not yet folded for the day, you wouldn’t have taken the house anyway so it wasn’t worth my effort, I knew.  We couldn’t have cleaned up that quick even if my husband was home.  The smell of fresh wheat bread with a bit of molasses in the oven baking might have been enticing but I had to be home to take it out.  19 minutes???  Let’s be fair.  You did not reschedule.  I knew you wouldn’t.  

Did you not like my two trees and all of the flowers that come up in the yard all spring and summer?  I know this is an issue.  Although trees are a bit of work, they do save you on energy costs and if there weren’t flowers in the yard there would be weeds instead.

Did you know my neighborhood was voted the nations #1 area for affordable housing in 2007 by some national business journal based on what you get for your money???  That is positive.  And if you are trying to go “green”, you can walk to Kroger from my house, or ride your bike there, and we’re close to public transportation for farther travels, like going to work.  I have an “HE” washer and dryer we can bargain with that will save a ton of water, electricity (and money).  All light bulbs which you would probably like to keep are energy savers.  You can use a rain barrel collecting gutter water to water the garden or grass, use a push reel mower since the yard isn’t too big and you could even consider composting because there is sunny, fresh air space… again I say a yard is a wonderful happy thing.  This is a modest home… very “green”.  It’s the way I was taught and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Is only one bathroom too miserable to contemplate?  My friend had a 3 bathroom house that was only 10 years old and NONE of the plumbing in her house worked for days and days until the plumber was done with his repair job so there are no guarantees.  Just make friends with the neighbors; they’re all nice.  And remember, if 7 can survive one bathroom, it ought to be just fine for one or two.

Oh!  There is no dishwasher either… yeah, I know.  But my neighbors don’t have them either and they say it’s not really a problem to wash a couple of plates and cups every few days or when they run out of silverware.  If anyone should be concerned about this it should be me.  I wash dishes twice a day… a great many of them at dinner time, in fact.  I don’t believe in the “disposable” society we’ve become and I venture to guess that I wash more dishes in one evening after dinner than you would in a whole week, what with the “green” lunch box containers, not to mention the bread pans, food processer parts, beaters and mixing bowls, casserole dishes, frying pans, baking sheets, bathroom cups plus the usual 12 cups we use for milk AND water, the 7 plates and 21 + utensils.   I am one of the few that still makes homemade bread, which adds to dishes I realize.  The cashier at the store was surprised about that too when she asked what all the flour was for.  In drawl, “Bakin’ bread or somp’n?”   How do I wash all that in one sink???  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you my secret about that.  It’s simple… I use a rinse tub on the counter which hides under the sink when not in use.  I’ll leave it for you if you think you’ll need it but you’re all by yourself with maybe one other person so there should be plenty of room to just rinse under the faucet as you go.

If you are the person who left the shell of a bed-bug in the middle of my sons’ room, don’t come here again.  Sorry, but I draw the line.  Maybe you stumbled on it at a different house you were looking at and tracked it in or maybe you live with them, but they are NOT welcome in my home.  It is still my home.  Please be respectful.

It’s a nice street as streets go in my little suburban city.  I do see the sheriff’s helicopter circling pretty often and searching with his spotlight in recent years but my kids know to come inside then and my husband says we should feel safer knowing that at least the Police are aware and out there looking for the bad guys.  There are no crack houses on my street.  That is always a street by street basis around here, I’m sure you know, and we’re good.  No worries there. 

By the way, my neighbor couldn’t sell their home a couple of years ago and decided to stay.  We have good neighbors.  Interestingly, her Mom told her that if she owned my home, she’d have been able to sell it in a New York minute.  My home has the most curb appeal on the block, many have told me.   Maybe “cute” isn’t your thing though, so I again refer you to internet usage, so you don’t waste your time or mine.  I’m a busy woman, as I’m sure you are.  I’m assuming you’re a woman because there aren’t too many men living on the street and my husband is the ONLY one of those few men who takes the trash out in a tie!  Relax; it’s on Sunday.

I know there are many houses to choose from right now; too many.  The news this morning reminded everyone that there is just a day and a half left to take advantage of the tax credit.  It gave hopeful information for the national picture… but stated that the incentive has done nothing for this regional market at all.  This place is kind of a depressed area right now and the bank has taken the loss on many houses only to turn them over at a very low price.  I cannot afford that because I’ve payed the mortgage I promised to pay.  All I’m asking for is enough to pay off the house and the realtor.  I’m starting over with saving for a down payment so never fear that I’m making any money off of you.  I know you wouldn’t appreciate that.

But if the above are things that you cannot see past then I will remain thankful that I am not the person who put up the sign yesterday on the main road that states “DESPERATE:  Please buy my house”!  I don’t actually NEED to move that badly.  I am also grateful that I am not the family that moved out of the house overnight in secret, fleeing the officials… or the people that came home to find all of their stuff tossed in a jumble on the front lawn with strangers sifting through it after the locks had been changed.  No!  I will own this house in 11 more years if you do not purchase it from me.  Is my life a little crazy living here?  Not that you care but I will say that I’m never lonely and the size of the house enforces more of a close knit family simply because of our proximity to each other.  And frankly life would probably be a little nuts no matter where I live.  I do have 5 children!  I chose these 5 children!

And this is home to me, no matter what, because the people I love are here.  In that respect it doesn’t really matter where I live.  I have other “homes” as well.  Wherever my people are, that is my home.  I have many happy memories here created over a large chunk of life.  14 years is longer than I’ve ever lived anywhere, by quite a bit.  I celebrated my second wedding anniversary here, I’ve brought 5 babies home… to this home and my beloved pets are buried out in the yard.  So, although there is a house that we really like so much with 6 bedrooms, a large front porch, a large fenced backyard, a pantry with desk, stained glass and a slate roof, I’m OK with staying, if that is what God intends for me to do and he will help me to find a way to successfully continue to raise my family here as I know he has already been doing.   I’m sure my great grandparents didn’t imagine having to raise children through the Great Depression and would have liked better for their children, but not everything is in our control.  I do what I can.  Wherever my heart is, that is my home, and I will make anything work.   I’ve been prepared for difficult times all my life and my skills, not understood or worth much to some,  come in handy, just as my mother told me they would, many years ago now as she foresaw just a little of what my life would hold.  I’ve held onto those words as I know she looked ahead at my future better than I could have and I learned my priorities in life… from her.  Thank you, Mom.

Best of luck to you, the homebuyer, as you continue searching for your future home.  If you show up here in the next 2 1/2 months it will be a surprise to me to finally meet you but I hope you find happiness wherever it may lie.

Sincerely,

Long-time Homeowner